Negotiating Differently: Asking From a Place of Power

Written By: Dr. Nicole Johnson and Dr. Laura Manyweather, WIN Coaches

When you are designed differently you approach business, conflicts, life, and work  creatively, optimistically, positively, and head-on. As a matter of fact, most problems aren’t really problems they are opportunities to get curious, experiment, learn, and grow. Where one person sees a problem because you are designed differently you reframe and see an opportunity to contribute, show up differently, and be the solution. Oftentimes great solutions are hidden in plain site.

Negotiating Differently begins by setting boundaries and not being afraid to work, speak, and negotiate outside of the box. You might think, what box? There are many ways to be boxed in—in life. There’s the familiar box of convention, conformity, tradition, and old business habits such as this is how a negotiation is supposed to look and feel like box. The point is this when entering the talks with your mind already made up means you are in the box. To break free of this one must be open and receptive to actually listen for what is not being said. When you negotiate differently your ears are piqued and tuned to listen to where you might be a contribution, connection, or be of service.

Ask yourself: What are they not asking me? What would be a pressing concern of a (insert title, project manager ,director, CFO) What question has not been posed? Put yourself in their shoes. Employ emotional intelligence and empathy. If you were hiring you what questions would you ask to draw out and solicit the best answers to showcase what you know? Think backwards and then use those questions as statements, affirmatives, and talking points.

When negotiating differently, in every way strive to seek amicable resolutions and win/win solutions. It takes time, care, and self awareness to monitor your internal locus of control, resist from putting self interest first, seek to understand (Covey, 1989), and see people as people and not as objects (Arbinger Institute, 2016).

Many assume negotiations must we wrought with a stern face, no smiles, and a serious disposition. I will argue the contrary. When operating from a positive approach such as appreciative inquiry (AI), one can use this time to discover what is, dream about what could be, design what should be and leave a destiny of what will be (Cooperrider & Whitney, 2005).

As women leaders, we negotiate daily. We negotiate our resources, space, time, and most importantly our energy level.  As a woman leader, practice rising above the level of the problem to the level of the solutions when conducting business or in high pressured negotiations. Leaders who adopt this approach operate under a different set of life assumptions. Assumptions are shorthand ways of making fast decisions. Some assumptions you may employ are:

• Life is good and gets better each day.

• Your greatest strengths and talents may not be best served here you must remain open and listen and be willing to walk away.

• The universe is always working on your side and conspiring for your good.

• You are not desperate, therefore you need not operate from a space of desperation, fear, lack, or worry.

• You have your best interest in mind and so you can do, be, and stand rooted in a place of giving and receiving.

• All is well and will turn out well. If your idea, firm, project, or proposal is not selected you can still possibly be a resource and be a contribution.

• It’s better to create using blue water strategy then to compete and exhaust and drain creative power and energy.

What does negotiating differently look like? When you are asking from a place of power you are not choosing either/or, neither/nor, this or that or operating from the world of competition or measurement (Zander & Zander, 2002).  You are merely combing creative options to get the Best desired outcome for both parties. Oprah says, “You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.”

1. Speak with heart and conviction

Someone here sill cares about these things. Can you connect me with that person?

2. Do not be afraid to walk away

Do not be easily offended, put off or emotionally hijacked by the initial dollar amount of the offer. The key is this, you are talking, you are in the room, and you are engaged with someone. Practice the second agreement do not take things personally (Ruiz, 1997).

Negotiate out of the box

See other’s challenges and concerns. Be willing to develop an exit plan, transition plan and address unsaid questions. For example, will she leave if I invest so much into her? What happens if she is offered another contract while under contract with us?

4. Bring it up

Have the crucial conversation and difficult conversation upfront. Then, transform it into a learning conversation. Oftentimes, when people are speaking there are multiple conversations happening at the same time. Miscommunication occurs because one or both parties are speaking around issues and problems rather than directly to them. When negotiating differently it is critical to know how to start and engage in a learning conversation by attending to nuances, subtle shifts, gut reactions, and verbalizing exactly what you may be sensing in the moment.

5. Reframe and Reposition

Think And, and Both improvise and create. Synthesize the best of both worlds when at the table

Weigh your options, place a value on your product, service, time, creative content and capacity. Be unafraid to ask for what you want.

Negotiating differently is the art and practice of improvisation, creative thinking, and creative decision making. Dr. Karen Tilstra (2012) claimed in her TED TALK, “It doesn’t matter if the idea is good, great, or poor anything new and different people will say no. An off kilter, confused, and scared mind says no.” Use the 5 techniques above to improve your Ask, ask from a place of power, and negotiate differently.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Dr. Nicole Johnson is the CEO of TetraCore Consulting along with Dr. Laura Manyweather, Co-Founder.

TetraCore is certified woman owned small business. TetraCore Consultants write on topics related to emotional intelligence, leadership development, negotiation, and re-entry. Negotiating Differently is an expert from TetraCore’s first book entitled Designed Differently.

For more information go to www.tetracoreconsulting.com.