There Can Only Be One: How Workplace Competition Hurts Women
Written By WIN Staff, Lauren Nish
She’s such a bitch! She’s being so sensitive. She’s really catty. It’s probably her time of the month. Ever heard these in reference to your female boss or colleague? You might have even said it about another woman in your workplace before. Unfortunately, these conversations are common in the workplace, and a symptom of female competition.
Female competition begins early, as girls are taught to compete with each other from a young age. Think Mean Girls, or literally any movie where girls compete for a boy, get rid of their competition, and win homecoming queen, or whatever. Problematically, this zero-sum (you win, I lose) thinking follows most women into their adult lives, and eventually, the workplace.
Why is female competition bad?
Competition can be healthy and productive. It can encourage us to go outside our comfort zone, and expand our empathy. On the other hand, too much competition can create unnecessary pressure, lead to negative feelings, and erode self esteem. This is especially concerning for those that also struggle with confidence issues, representation, and advocacy – namely women.
What does female competition look like?
This competition can take the form of “cattiness,” snide comments, putting others down, diminishing their accomplishments, trash talking, rivalries, and most harmfully, women bullying their juniors and employees. These are often subtle, but build up to create a toxic environment where, for example, female bosses are judged harsher by other women in the office than by men. Competition can look like:
Your boss not giving you a raise or telling you what she made in your position because if she suffered, so should you
Your boss or colleagues making negative comments about you and your work in front of others
Women creating an exclusive work environment through cliques, friendships, and out-of-office activities
Being compared to, or pitted against other women by a colleague or boss
These are all common examples of female competition in the workplace (these can and do occur amongst men, as well). Women may act this way for many reasons, but mostly because of sexism, internalized misogyny, toxic work culture, and inequality in the workplace.
What causes female competition?
SEXISM, obviously. Women often make up significantly less than half of senior management in the United States. This scarcity leads to a scarcity mindset, where women think they are competing with others for roles, because they are! Women are also judged more critically than men when being considered for the same positions, which can lead us to be overly critical of each other.
Women are also more harshly judged than men by all genders, which can lead us to try and conform to male standards, actions, and mindsets (aka toxic masculinity). An environment in which there are fewer opportunities for women to advance, combined with the increased judgment women face from everyone, can lead to acting out against and putting down other women to get ahead.
What can we do about female competition?
Recognize it
Once you open your eyes to it, you’ll start seeing it everywhere. The first step in stopping is understanding when female competition is occurring. Do you:
Participate in office gossip where the subject is putting down other women?
Favor male colleagues over female ones?
Compare your work only to female coworkers and bosses?
Use unnecessarily gendered terms when referring to your female coworkers and bosses (bitchy, PMSing, emotional, sensitive, etc.)
I’m sorry to say it but if you do any of these things, you are contributing to harmful competition between women in the workplace.
Change your actions and words
Unlearning a behavior is hard! Changing your actions and words to be less critical, harsh, and competitive is a long game. It doesn’t mean that you can’t provide feedback or compete with a co-worker for the same position, either. However, when giving feedback consider delivering it in a way that is less critical, and more useful. Go in with the mindset of, How can I help this woman succeed? Same with competition. Consider thinking of ways that you can both win. For example, one of you might get the job, and be in a position to give the other person a raise, a different promotion, or other increased opportunities for success, like handling important clients or big projects.
Call out others
If you’re in a group setting and a woman starts insulting another, nicely call them out on it! It’s one of the best ways to make people aware of their actions. If you can do this in a way that enables her to save face, she will be more likely to acknowledge her mistake rather than just respond defensively.
Leave unhealthy workplaces
Now, we know this one isn’t always possible. Everyone would leave an unhealthy job if they had the opportunity. But if you’re thinking of leaving or on your way out of your workplace, think about the quality of the workplaces you are exploring, and not only the salary.
When interviewing with new companies or considering new roles ask questions about the environment:
Is this company very competitive when it comes to open positions?
Do you often work with your colleagues or compete for clients?
How many of the senior staff are women?
Are women promoted to senior positions as often as men?
What is a common complaint against managers at this company?
Companies won’t always be honest about this, but if you ask lots of questions you can usually get a feel for the work environment of a company. Alternatively, you can try and speak with someone who currently works at the company to get a sense of the corporate culture.
In closing
Competition as a whole is not bad, but when directed between women in an already misogynistic or toxic environment, it can be devastating and a real barrier to our collective success. While it won't go away overnight, we can all be catalysts for positive change. Open your eyes to it, speak out against it, and consider doing one thing everyday to help a woman (or many) in your life succeed, in and out of the workplace.